I wouldn’t call our little koala baby particularly difficult. But she is a newborn, and thus makes it difficult to get much else done.
I am now fully into the “stay at home mother” role, with my Mum back in New Zealand and The Engineer back at work. And honestly, I just don’t know where the days go. I sometimes have a couple of naps with the wee one. But mostly I am just feeding, settling, and holding her while she sleeps (or cries). Sometimes I manage to feed myself as well. It doesn’t sound too intense, but it is.
I expected physical tiredness. But because I am a good day napper, and I have an amah and a very helpful husband, I actually don’t get too much of that. The thing that really surprised me is the overwhelming emotional tiredness. Every waking moment, and most of the sleeping ones too, is consumed by this darling wee creature. Every moment that she cries gets to me deeply. I am holding her almost all the time in my arms or in a wrap. And so by the end of a day, I am pretty darn exhausted (despite the fact that I have had some sleep, and haven’t “done anything”).
I want to talk about and think about other things. I want to get back to yoga and writing and creativity. But right now I just can’t.
I am consumed.
And it’s wonderful.